Root of most Relationship Problems || Fix Relations with your Source: PARENTS

Relationships are the best playground to REPLAY what you had with your parents, RECOGNIZE those limiting patterns and repair them.

Your parents are your SOURCE, your CREATORS.

Our parents are our blueprint.

A blueprint means ‘a guide to make something’.

We grew up understanding the following from our parents, meaning we understood the actual meaning of these things through our parents. Their world view became ours. Here's what we understood from and through observing our parents-

self worth

self esteem

ego

love

conditional love

unconditional love

romantic relationships

marriage & it’s meaning

loyalty

in-laws

money

abundance

success

failure

trust

ethics

Let me explain the above with 6 examples.

Example 1:

If you grew up seeing your father always being the one to apologise to your Mom and you judged your father for it, thinking he’s weak and lacks self respect; you will either

>attract a partner just like your Mom and you’ll realise you’re playing the role of your Dad or

>you will become a very feisty partner who would under no circumstance admit mistake and apologize because you’d be overcorrecting what you saw your father because of your fear of becoming like him.

Overcorrecting is a very common result of judgement.

Either way, you’re stuck in a LIMITING pattern.

{A limiting pattern is a pattern that restricts you.}

If any of the above happens, just know that it’s a blessing in disguise.

This would happen to heal that part of you that judged your father harshly.

Example 2:

If you grew up hearing your parents peg too much worth and value on money and status, you will start chasing money & status thinking that’s the only thing that matters.

I've had clients who are committed to believing that

PAISA HI SAB KUCH HAI BOSS

PAISA HI BOLTA HAI

MONEY IS POWER

When I challenge their belief system to show them an alternative way, they are shell shocked and in some cases they get defensive and start debating.

So if you were exposed to the belief that money and status matters a lot and you have a setback, you will feel like a failure.

Alternatively, if you are unable to earn the kind of money & status your parents fascinated about, you’ll feel like a loser. Your self worth will suffer a lot because that's what you associated self worth with: money & social status

Again, if any of the above happens, it’s a blessing in disguise. This would happen to heal that part of you that believes self worth = social status + money

Example 3:

If  you grew up seeing  your Mom always feeling ‘not good enough’ and you judged her for how low her confidence was, you will either become like her via life events or…attract a partner just like her.

Again that would be a blessing in disguise. This would happen to heal that part of you that judged your Mom.

Example 4:

If you grew up in an environment where you were being compared constantly and you only understood how to do better or how well you’re doing basis comparison, then you will always end up comparing yourself...

even if you hate your parents for putting you through the misery of comparison.

But, the moment you forgive your parents, you also forgive the part of you that still relies on comparison to grow. The more you judge something or someone, the more power it gets and consequently it becomes a part of you.

Believe it or not, judgements ALWAYS backfire!

Example 5:

If  you grew up watching your parents carry dis-trust in people, doubt people and their intentions (and let’s assume they were rightly doing so), your model of the world becomes to doubt and question people and their actual intent. You become a skeptic and don’t have that innate faith in people because you don't know what that feels like because you never saw that growing up. Our parents shape our world view to a hugggeeee extent and everytime we sit with a healer/coach, we challenge those old limiting world views ;-) and give ourselves the opportunity to form new ones.

Example 6:

If you grew up around discussing people: critcism & judgements a lot

where your parents or immediate family would discuss others and be very critical, it would result in you doing the same until you unlearn it. A big part of unlearning is also understanding how that thing has been benefitting you.

Eg: Judgements and criticism can help you to be better and always “do the right thing”. So before you unlearn this, you need to acknowledge what good it brought to your life. Healing sessions really really really help you grow at a faster pace. You can’t figure it out all by yourself, you know. People who do that often get stuck or are unable to grow at the right pace. Also, it’s a huge block if your mind tells you:

I can’t depend on my Coach/Healer/Therapist.

Dependency is bad.

I can figure myself out on my own.

This is resistance to grow.

Judgements towards parents

Whether you like it or not, your parents are your Creators. You exist because of them so the more you judge your parents, the more bitter and twisted your relationship becomes with your source and then you attract the exact same kind of people to heal from that bitterness.

Eg: If a girl, let’s call her Zoey judges her Mom for being a housewife, not having a career and wasting her life, she will go through moments in her life where

she will feel she’s insignificant

or

as if she’s not doing enough.

This will happen even if Zoey’s earning well and has a decent job. Again, it’s a blessing in disguise to heal the judgement around housewives.

Alternatively, Zoey might over work and become very type A because deep down she fears becoming like Mom. That would be Zoey overcorrecting which again is a block and will cause issues in her life. She won't be able to attract a man who has a provider mindset because she's in her masculine and unable to receive. That's when Zoey might start hating on men saying they aren't manning up, etc.

Or even if she doesn manage to attract a loving partner, no matter what he does won't feel enough for her.

See how dangerous judgement towards parents can be?

Zoey just needs to release the judgement she's been holding for her Mom!

Rapid Steps to grow and attract better relationships

Step 1- Importance of unlearning & re-parenting yourself

while holding a place of respect for your parents.

Understand that your parents did the best they knew given the knowledge and awareness they had. No parent can be perfect and it’s okay. Learn from their mistakes, forgive them, be grateful for all the positive things and re-create a healthier belief system.

Sit with healer and resolve all your judgements and issues with your parents.

Step 2- Stupidity of wanting to change parents.

Those who work towards wanting to change their parents are fighting a lost battle. Our parents are almost double our age or more. Expecting them to change at the age they’re at is bizarre.

You first accept them for who they are and when they are ready, they will walk the path of healing and transformation. Till then, show them grace and kindness. Don't forget, if you don't accept them you're automatically judging them and that will definitely backfire.

Step 3- Emotional Inheritance.

Understanding that

you not just inherit the looks of your parents but also their emotions,...

will change the way you approach self work/healing. If you judge your parents (no matter how wrong they might seem at times), you will lose the opportunity to recognize similarities you have with them. You will miss out on an opportunity to heal.

Step 4- Interruption in the reaching out movement to MOM.

Some people weren’t able to form a connection with their mothers as a kid. Perhaps they were a C-Sec baby and Mum was recovering for far too long or

there was another sibling who needed Mum more or…

Mum was too busy with housework.

Interruptions basically mean a disconnect we feel from our parents. This needs to be healed because your mother is your source of entry into this world, if that’s broken, you wont be able to fully receive love in this world. Also you will keep attracting situations that will constantly push you heal that aspect of you.

A good healing session can easily resolve this. Feel free to get in touch with me to work on this issue.

Step 5- Fathers are way too important

When a girl grows up with bitter feelings towards her father, irrespective how the father has been, the kind of men she will attract later in her life will be an opportunity for her to “fix” relationship with her father.

Alternatively, when a boy grows up with bitter feelings towards his father, irrespective how the father has been, he will either

a) attract a partner just like his father (very similar traits) or

b) start becoming just like his father due to “certain life siuations”

Again, both of these situations are an opportunity to come back to a place of neutrality and love for the father.

Step 6- THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL:Adult Child Separation

As important as it is to forgive,

practice non judgement and

accept parents,

it is also important to disentangle and detach from them otherwise you will never learn how to be emotionally and mentally independent. In the West, kids leave their parents home for college post which they’re on their own. It’s imperative for kids to learn how to be able to afford themselves and support themselves emotionally post 20. If not, something has been off in the adult child separation. You can love your parents without being entangled in them.

Activity

Think of 5 ways in which you judge your father and

5 ways in which you judge your Mom.

Now think of how that judgement is manifesting in your life.

Are you the same in certain ways or

are people around you like that or

you're overcorrecting?

Feel free to share these with me on a private chat on

Instagram (feeding_thy_soul) or

at themavenlifestyle@gmail.com

Love,

Sia

Internationally Certified Life Coach, Certified Astrologer, Internationally Certified Hormone Health Coach, Spiritual Coach, Internationally Certified Energy Healer & Teacher, Tarot Card Reader & Teacher, Switch Word & Energy Circles Practitioner, Certified Drawing & Handwriting Analyst, Feeding Thy Soul Blog